the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
