And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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