It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Lo siento on account of my penis...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
