He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
