Screwed.edu
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
