Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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