Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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