So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
