i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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