How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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