She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i drank out of a bidet.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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