the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
