i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
