yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
