How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
