Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
