why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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