It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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