its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
