Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
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All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
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My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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