2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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