oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
In America we eat man semen.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
