I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
