I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Acid is not a monday night drug
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
