Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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