I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
