Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
