The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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