i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
