wanna go halves on a baby?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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