his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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