I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
