Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
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15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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