It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
