One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
