Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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