my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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