it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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