OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
