I'm lost and stupid without you.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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