There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
