Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
