If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
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And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
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My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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