So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
