A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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