just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
