It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
