My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
