so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
