Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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