TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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