Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
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