I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
