hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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