the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
