I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
