I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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