This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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