At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
