I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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