You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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