sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
