Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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