I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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